C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
