R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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