I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize