Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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