what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
