the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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