your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
