I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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