yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
