i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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