Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I intend to get homeless drunk
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
