so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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