probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
