I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
