My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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