i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
