I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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