I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
