Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
