Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
