I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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