You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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