A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
