she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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