its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
