Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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