Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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