normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
