I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
