so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
