Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
