I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
