So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
