I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
