We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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