Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
