did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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