i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
