Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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