I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
