I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
