Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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