what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
4 words: hood of his car
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
