The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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