how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
