Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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