Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
