forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
