she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
