Someone shit on the floor
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My vagina just recognized that song.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
