I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize